Ice Cucumber

1. Kata2 yang gak bakalan diucapin oleh character2 Suikoden:
a. Riou:"......wait....i can talk! I CAN TALK! IT'S A MIRACLE!!!"

b. Viktor:"Hey Neclord, stop hookin up women will ya??!!"
Neclord:"actually i got bored!"
Viktor:nice...
Neclord:"by the way, will u marry me??"
Viktor:"...................."

c. Apple: Why is my name looks like a fruit?

d. Louis:"milady, it's time to patrol the city..."
Chris:"i'm not going, i'm telling u. i will go to the beauty center,
I should go get manicure and pedicure, hell, my nail is broken!!! ><


2. Sgt Joe: Hugo... I am your father!!!!!!
Hugo: Really?
Sgt Joe: Nah, I'm just messing with you... Wait... YES I AM!!!!!!!!
Hugo: NOOOOO!!!!!!! HOW DID THAT HAPPEN!?!?!?!?
Sgt Joe: Well, Lucia and I were very drunk and.....
Hugo: EW! EW! EW! STOP! Not that, dumbass!
Sgt Joe: You shouldn't call your father a dumbass...
Hugo: Shut up! I mean why am I a human if my dad's a duck?
Sgt Joe: Actually, you also understand the language of duck. What?
Do you think Fubar can just understand you?
Hugo: So... you are my father... So what do we do?
Sgt Joe: Let's steal Lord Konami's cookies!
Hugo: Whoo-hoo! Let's go!

*Sgt Joe and Hugo gets hit by thunder*

Great Lord Konami: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! No one steals my cookies! Hey, roast duck.
*Eats Sgt Joe*


3. Suatu hari di Dunan Castle kedatangan seorang asing

Woman: excuse me, my name is Mondrosen, I wan to look at the castle...
Riou: ..................
Woman: Oh, mich, entschuldige ich bin ein Tourist, kann ich Ihr Schloß betrachten?
Riou: ...................
Woman: mijn naam is Mondrosen....
Riou: ...................
Woman: ??...? (Ni hao...?)
Riou:....................
Woman: ??????????
Riou:....................
Woman: qué lengua usted habla?
Riou:....................
Woman: nell'interesse del dio, che laguage parlate???
(for God's sake, what laguage do you speak???)
Riou:....................

Nanami: hey, can I help you?
Woman: oh thanks God, you do talk english, I am a tourist...may I look at your castle?
Nanami: sure dude....
Woman: but something bithers me, can't this boy talk?
Nanami: He can, actually, but that Goddamnit Konami made him speechless....
Woman: I see.........
Riou:......................


4.
REPORTER: Here I am, people! This is the celebration of the 5th Suikoden game! As you can see, everyone from Suikoden 1 to 4 is here for the party! Let's check them out!------
REPORTER: Oh! Here you can see Tir, Riou, and... uh... Suikoden 4 guy. Oh, you 3! How does it feel to be main characters of the Suikoden series?
TIR: ....
RIOU: ....
LAZLO: ....

REPORTER: Hmm...

RIOU: ....
REPORTER: I see...
TIR: ....
REPORTER: Wow...
LAZLO: ...
REPORTER: What? A little boy's stuck in a well?
Don't worry, boy! I, the great reporter, will save you!

*Runs to nearest well*

TIR: What was that all about?
RIOU: I don't know... I thought we were just ignoring him.
LAZLO: Heheh... Some people actually think we were actually SILENT when we're out of the games!
RIOU: I know! what are we? Mute?
TIR: Idiots...

FANGIRL: OMG!!!! IT'S THE HEROES OF SUIKODEN!!!!! OMG! OMG! OM...
LAZLO: *Kills the girl with punishment*
RIOU :What was that all about?
LAZLO: I... Hate... Fangirls... they took my cool looking pants
and now I have to wear these ugly-ass shor...ts!
TIR: Ah... that explains those stupid looking clothes.
RIOU: Yeah... fangirls have been trouble lately...

------
Meanwhile...
Borus: *In phone* Um... cops... help me... Some maniacs locked me in my room so I can't get out...
And some ugly-ass girls are chasing me around the room trying to rip my clothes off!
HELP ME!!!! Oomph!
*Gets caught by one of the girls*

 5.
FLIK vs KONAMI:

Flik: That's it! I quit!
Viktor: What?
Flik: I quit this lame Suikoden series. It sucks.
... Viktor: Huh? Why?
Flik: I never get the spotlight. Why do silent lame-ass characters like Riou or Tir get to be the main characters?
Viktor: Uh...
Flik: I mean... I'm better than them. I have my totally badass sword. I have awesome thunder rune powers...
Viktor: Um... Flik...
Flik: And best of all... I talk! I TALK! Does Tir or Riou ever talk? Noooo... They just act silent. Well that's just ****ing stupid!
Viktor: Don't go there...
Flik: You wanna know why? KONAMI SUCKS!

*Thunder**Great Lord Konami appears*

Flik: Uh-oh...
Viktor: I tried to tell you...

*Runs away*

...Flik: Heh-heh... Y'know I was just kidding...
Great Lord Konami: *Kills Flik in a way so gruesome that'll make even the bravest men throw up and faint. Plus I don't know what the hell's going on.*
Viktor: *Throws up*
Great Lord Konami: You... Viktor... is the main character of the next Suikoden...
Viktor: Eh? Whoo-hoo! Wait... are you going to make me a silent character?
Great Lord Konami: Yes...
Viktor: Why?
Great Lord Konami: Because all main characters hold evil secrets that should not be spoken.
Viktor: Aww... I don't want to be the main--
Great Lord Konami: you'll get free cookies.
Viktor: Whoo-hoo! I'm in!


6.
Suiko 4

*HatcHiii~*
Jeanne : E? Kamu cewe teleporter itu kan?
Viki : Ano...,iyah,kenalin...saya Viki
...Jeanne : Ow, gua Jeanne...Kamu suka kucing? Liat ini,Si Putih manis kan?
Viki : Nda,gua Alerg... A aAAAATcchiiiingg!!
*Viki Hilang*
Jeanne : He.....................?

Suiko 1

Jeanne : Huff... Capekna jualan rune molo...
*Hatchiii~~* GUBRAK BRAK DUER PRANG!!!(Suara barang pecah)
Jeanne : Bussetttt apaan tuh???
Viki : A..Ano...,maaf....aku alergi...Lho,kucing kakak yang tadi pada di mana?
Jeanne : ...Hah? Kucing apaan?
Viki : Lho Si Putih itu...yang tadi kakak tunjukin ke aku
Jeanne : Lho Si Putih kan udah lama mati, udah dari ratusan taun yang....ups! (lari ngambil merica + nglempar merica ke viki)
Viki : MericaaaaaaAAATCHING!!
Jeanne : Aman2.....HUff....

Suiko 2

*HuaJENGGGHH*(Viki jatoh di taman)
Viki : Eto....maaf ini di mana yah?
Riou : .............
...Viki : .............
Riou : .............
Viki : .............
Jeanne : Kamu lagi????????????????
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!(lari ngambil merica lagi)

Suiko 3

*Hatchi!!!*Jebyur! (jatuh di hotbath)
Chris : Siapa di situ?
Viki : @_@ Fuwaa Fuwaa Panassss!! Kcipak kcipak!! Tolongggg aku g isa berenang!!
Chris : Hoi2 bertahanlah!
Viki : ...blup...blup...blurp
Chris :(baru pertama kali liat cewek tenggelam d bak mandi) Wahhhhh!! Gimana nihh?? Tapi lucu juga ya anak ini...(tersipu,lho2???)
*Tiba2 Viki membelah jadi dua*
Chris :.........................................
Chris : Aku ambil yang besar aja ah,lucu sih...hihihihi... *bawa pergi ke luar*
*Bbrp menit kmd Jeanne masuk dan melihat Viki kecil masih mengapung...*
Jeanne : ......Gawd,gimme a break....Napa gua harus ketemu dia mulu??
Viki (kecil) : (sadar) ..........tante siapa?
Jeanne : .....................


7.
Luc: So,Sarah.. You can rad Sindarin, can't you??
Sarah: Of course I can, Why?
Luc:Please read the Sindarin Caligraphy in there (pointing toward the Sindar runes)
Sarah: Allright... Hmmmm (Mikir dulu)
Luc: What does it sounds?
Sarah: Okay, it's sounds:" Tong mawa daharan ka dieu"(Sunda: Jangan bawa makanan ke sini)
Luc: What the ????
(credit to Marshall)

8.
Prince: Georg, denger2 dulu kau jadi jendral di Scarlet Moon Empire kan? Kok bisa keluar?
Georg: Ah, iya itu...*memejamkan mata mengenang masa lalu*

*flashback mode on*
...
Millich: Geooo~~~rg ganteeen~~~g lagi ngapainnn??
Georg: e...enggak lagi ngapa"in kok
Millich: Kalo gitu temenin ike ke saloooon yuuuu'
Georg: hah? eng...engga maka...
Millich: Ayuu nanti ike kasih cheesecake satu gentong deh, mau ya? mau kan? mau dong!
Georg: a...aaa...cheese...cake...*ngiler*
Millich: *menyeret Georg ke salon*

*flashback mode off*

Georg: i...iya...dulu...gajinya kurang
Prince: Oooh gitu toh.....Oh iya, katanya hari ini Jendral Millich berkunjung dalam rangka acara kenegaraan loh
Georg: *gasp*


9.
Great Lord Konami: gimana kalo Konami mencampur adukkan cerita suikoden 1-5??

Riou: NOT FAIR! NOR FAIR!
Tir: WE COULD SPEAK! AND YET THOSE *UGLY* KARAYAN BOY COULD!
Hugo: sirm you are racist!
Lazlo: AND WHY DO I GET TO WEAR GIRLY SHORTS LIKE THIS, WHILE RIOU LOOK LIKE SON GOKU?!
Freyjadour:...eh...everyone...
Tir, Riou, Hugo, Lazlo: SHUT UP YOU SPOILED RICH PRINCE!!!

==========================================

Riou: look! I'm the cutest hero ever!
TirL shut up, youre an orphan, atleast I'm a general's son
HUGO: duuuh you're all so spoiled, you dont even have a sword
Lazlo: dude, you use knives
Freyjaodour: emm...everyone, don't fight
Tir, Riou, Hugo, Lazlo: SHUT UP YOU RICH SPOILED PRINCE!! *shoot evil glare*

Frey: "Lyon... they bullied me
Lyon: HEY YOU GUYS! WHAT DID YOU.. GUYS...
Tir, Riou, Hugo, Lazlo: SHUT UP YOU RICH SPOILED PRINCE'S BODYGUARD!!
Lyon : ...........


10.
Fred: Eh, apa bener fubar iyg sekarang itu bukan fubar yg asli?

Hugo: Hah, maksudnya?

...Fred: Iya, denger denger dari para karayan, fubar kamu dulunya udah mati, tapi biar kamu ga sedih..lucia menyuruh 2 orang karaya menyamar jadi fubar dgn kostum!

Hugo: Aaaaaaaaahhh...masa sih???
Fred: Ya, ga tau..coba aja kamu tes apakah fubar skrg itu fubar yg asli!

Hugo: Hmm...ok deh

Beberapa saat kemudian...

Hugo: Fubaaaarrrr!!!! sini dong!!!

Fubar: Kweeee.....kweeeee....!!!

Hugo: Nah akan ada tes yg akan menguji apakah kamu fubar asli atau bukan!, nah tes pertama: coba kamu lari yg kenceng, biasanya kan kamu larinya kenceng tuh....

Fubar: Kueeeeeeee.......

Setelah fubar lari 154 km....

Fubar: Kueeee.wkkkkkk.........

Hugo: *nampaknya dia bisa, namun kecapean sekali* Ok, tes kedua: Terbang setinggi tingginya...

Setelah fubar terbang setinggi 400 km....
Fubar: Aduuuhhh....eh..Wkkkkkk...kueeeeee
Hugo: *sepertinya ada yg aneh, ah mungkin cuma perasaanku* Ok, tes ketiga: Makan cacing sebanyak banyaknya, kamu kan suka banget sama cacing... Setelah fub...ar menghabiskan cacing 6 baskom..
Fubar: Yaks..ga enak..ups..kueeeeeeeeee
Hugo: Nah, pinter...kamu lulus tes! ternyata kamu memang fubar yang asli!

*Setelah hugo pergi meninggalkan fubar*
Orang Karaya #1 di dalam kostum fubar: *buka kostum* Gileeee.....gw mo mati nih...hueeeek, cacingnya ga enak
Orang Karaya #2 dalam kostum fubar: Apalagi gw...gila kaki gw kaya mau patah..disuruh lari...apalagi pas disuruh terbang, mati matian deh kita ngepakin tangan
Orang Karaya #1: Huuh..untung ga ketauan hugo...
(credit to ivan)


11.
Hugo: Hey, Geddoe, how did you ever lose your eye?
Geddoe: hmmh..

*Geddoe flashbacks*
...
Jacques: Heheheheheheheh....
Geddoe:(With both eyes) Hey, what's that?
Jacques: Porn...
Geddoe: Oooh... Can I see?
Jacques: You like these stuff?
Geddoe: Of course I do. I'm a man.
Jacques: ... Are you sure...?
Geddoe: Yes!Jacques: Well, all right...
Geddoe: *Looks at magazine* Heheheheheh... eh? OH MY GOD!! YAOI!!!!!
Jacques: Heheheheheh... I like it...
Geddoe: MY EYES ARE UNCLEAN!!!!!!! *Stabs his eye with sword* MY EYE!!!!!!!!!!!

*End flashback*

Geddoe: ...
Hugo: Well ,how did you lose that eye?
Geddoe: Shut. The. ****. Up.

*YAOI = MAHO
(credit to seraphim)

12.
dapet darti temen nih di kaskus (credit to nmlsslbrty)
ngakak gw bacanya HAHAHAHA

THINGS THAT YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT GEORG PRIME:
1. Guns swords, knives, needles, wands, scepters, bostaves, nunchaku dont kill people , Georg Prime Kills people.
...
2. When Georg Prime does a pushup he isnt lifting himself up he's pushing the earth down.

3. The leading causes of death in suikoden are: 1. War; 2. George Prime; 3. True runes going out of control

4. Luc's original plan to destroy the true wind rune was to ask Georg Prime to do it.

5. Georg Prime once tried to enter the Sacred games, but all the other participants quit. He later came back with a brown wig claiming his name was "Ferid."

6. Georg Prime once tried to deathblow someone so quick his sword went back in time and annihilated 90% of the Sindar race.

7. Georg Prime has a son, the name is Optimus.

8. The Soul Eater doesn't take Georg Prime's soul, Georg Prime's soul takes the Soul Eater.

9. Did you know why Leknaat blinds? Because she wanted Georg's cheesecake while he was eating it... ...

10. Georg Prime once held the Black Sword rune, but the Bright Shield rune couldn't find anyone brave enough to hold it.

11. The reason Sialeeds and Gizel broke up is that Sialeeds lost all interest in Gizel the first time s...he saw Georg Prime.

12. Everybody loves Tir Mcdohl....except Georg Prime

13. An eclipse occurs every time Sierra stands behind Georg Prime

14. Why Luca Blight always says "DIE PIG!!" to his opponent? Because he is too afraid to say "DIE GEORG!!"

15. Georg Prime never swing his sword. His enemies that come toward his sword.